I have not posted in a long long time which means I am now the parent of a nearly two year old. He is 23 months, I have no idea how this happened.
Somehow, I have managed to produce this amazing boy with the smallest curl in his hair, who makes me smile and want to squeeze him so much, whilst also having this immense capability of being rather frustrating. Other parents of toddlers know what I’m talking about.
A lot has changed since the first time I smelled a cheese and onion pasty and wanted to kill my husband for eating such a disgusting item near by. Slowly realising, that the ‘awful’ smell of pasty and the new aversion to coffee from a five a day fresh coffee addict meant that there was a tiny human growing inside. It still amazes me to this day that from two tiny little cells joining together we now have a real life person who talks back.
In this time, I have got to know this beautiful boy, who loves cuddles, and books (not actually reading them though, reading is something other toddlers do), duplo and trains. I have found a new job, and realised that I am actually a person again instead of a mummy and a wife. I enjoy time with my little boy and enjoy time away from him, and I now understand, that time away from my little boy was probably what I needed very early on, when I was starting to feel down and didn’t want anyone to hold him but me.
I have grown to love my husband more than I thought I could as I realise he is a pretty awesome father and does way more for us than he should. I have grown up and become more of an adult thinking more seriously about what I want from life, and how I can get there. I still need to work on this one!!!
I have watched a tiny person grow, have glowed with pride as he reached out and touched something for the first time, amazed by his amazing ability to bounce infinitely in a jumperoo, fascinated by his first steps, and cried when he first said Mammy.
I still have absolutely no idea what I’m doing and I’m pretty sure no one else parenting does either.
Don’t get me wrong, getting here has been hard, not as hard as some people, and not as easy as others. It’s tough for everyone, but postnatal depression doesn’t help. The most important thing I’ve learnt recently is that I love my little boy, and I do love being a mummy.